single thoughts
* mira will marry that complete waste of space and there’s nothing we can do about it.
* i’m wearing toe-rings. i mean, i tried before. this time i’m sticking. i want to see if they stop bothering me if i give it some time……….i think rings add a character to ur figure. of course, when i’m trying to derive some confidence from the ‘imposed’ character, i feel fake and exposed and start to lose grip.
edit-i’ve stop wearing them. they’re slutty. i mean, really, that’s just trying to be alluring under a disguise of fashion.
* i didn’t want to become a doctor for two reasons. firstly, because i didn’t have the courage to take up the responsibility of people’s life and death. and most importantly,i didn’t want to see the sickness and accidents and murders and bloodshed everyday; i wanted to be able to ignore them like an ordinary person. but fate would have me have assignments and lectures on Kosovo, Bosnia, Haiti, Somalia etc that would require reading through descriptions of ethnic cleansing, summary killings, disappearances etc, most of which i wouldn’t even need for my papers.
*men having sex- i find it beautiful-like a beautiful physical sport.
anyway, not disgusting. although i can put up with the idea of women together, it still is a bit…disgusting…
my liking to watch gay romances, can it be the equivalent of men watching girl-on-girl porn? i wont totally deny it, neither do i think it completely true.
*i never find those simple joys of life that people try to be greatful for. but now i’ve got one- people upload whole films on youtube [e.g. shelter] and episodes of queer as folk. such good drama!
*every episode i’ll pause at least one to get a better look- brian is so handsome!
[why didn't i put dates in here? 9 sep 08]
* sure doesn’t feel like 25….25??? i feel a lot younger. but i’m not.
* so i’m wrapped up in my youtube-drama soaps world…completely out of touch with reality, then i have one cold, steely talk with tanzila, and realize that i’m rapidly being surrounded by armies of zombies…it’s spreading…spreading fast…i’ll be torn to pieces or suffocated…then of course i duck under that drama-soap wrap of mine.
* imdb say’s today’s sarah polly’s 30th birthday…she’s only 4 years ahead of me?? FUCK she seemed so much older!
*every few hours i find myself, then lose myself and find myself…i’m not sure what i’m finding and losing is even MY self…
* nadia thinks this world is a jungle where you can not show any sign of weakness and she has no respect for anyone who does. she’s just so afraid of being thought weak.
*ঘুম ভাঙার আগে আগে গভীর সব রেভেলেশন আসে।
আজকে যেমন, মনে হল, আমি আসলে আদ্রেয়ানের শামীমা।
*Mira got engaged. her pics made me sad. i’ll be marrying some loser like this one as well.
* August, 2011
I want to live in a city where I can bicycle and go for a run or a swim. For a while. The thought of permanently leaving Dhaka scares me very much.
